Dear Diary, Once again I come to write what I have on my mind that is full of thoughts that race and torment me so. The pain of being alone once again has struck a fatal blow to my chest even so my heart knows no rest. The things i must to get make sure my peoples needs are meet test my morals and yet some of the things I do even test how loyal I am and true. Though I know in my heart that no longer beats true the one named Sergei I know he finds another of his kind but...he will do what he must as will I. But in the end nothing matters they all just die any way.....so I wonder what is the point of even bothering I have asked myself that many times over and the answer remains the same...silent as the grave. But I do believe that Poe said it best when he said this "Thy soul shall find itself alone mid dark thoughts of grey tomb-stone not one of all the crowd to pry into thine hour of secrecy. Be silent in that solitude, which loneliness for then the spirits of the dead, who stood in life before thee are again in death around thee and their will shall over shadow thee be still. The night thought clear shall frown and the stars shall not look down from their high thrones in the heavens with light like hope to mortals given. But their red orbs without beam, to thy weariness shall seem as a burning and a fever which would cling to thee forever. Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish now are visions ne'er to vanish; from thy spirit shall they pass no more like dew-drop from the grass." So many thought I have these days it’s a wonder i don't drive myself mad with such things as it is with life so it is in death one would have to say. But I wonder is the fruit of life worth the bitter sweet taste it leaves in ones mouth or is it to savor and enjoy with plentiful hope that you may wake up to find what you are looking for. Hmm I wonder ....until the next I write in my dark thought I shall be waiting.
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